Dating a widow with young children too soon
I have talked to many other widows who have faced judgment and criticism after making the decision to date again and it always boggles my mind that anyone other than the widow herself thinks they know when the “right time” may be for her.Because, honestly, unless you have lost your spouse and find yourself suddenly and completely alone and overwhelmed by the isolation and loneliness that accompanies that loss, you have absolutely zero right to even have an opinion.If I could just have the perfect man magically show up at my door one day, I would choose that option in a heartbeat (side note: if anyone knows the perfect man, please contact me and I will send you my address).Unfortunately, more likely than not, that’s not going to happen, so I am choosing to put myself back out there into the world and see what happens.Dating at this stage in my life, though, is going to be far more complicated than it was when I was young and free (ahem: no kids). All my future plans included seducing the same man for the rest of my life and ending up old, cranky people who yelled at kids to get out of our yard while we rocked the day away on our rickety porch. I am older and wiser, I have more obligations, I have more baggage. You will need to be secure enough to accept that and embrace that part of who I am.
But if love finds me again, I will gladly welcome it. A solid relationship is built on a foundation of friendship and friendship is built on communication and trust. Don’t be afraid to be real, even if that means being a goofball. Never in a million years did I think that I would ever have to navigate the dating world again. I just have to allow that it will not be the same man I had thought I’d be sitting with.
I decided to sit down with a group of women, all who have dated a widower, and ask them about their experiences. How is dating a widower different than dating a divorced man?
In other words, maybe others will judge them for finding happiness again. And it’s hard to determine the right time to speak up.
From what they tell me, dating a widower isn’t easy. They might also feel worried about other people’s perceptions. Physical reminders–mementos, personal effects, wedding pictures are difficult to see around the house.
In any other situation, finding a mate is all happiness, but with a widower, it can be tempered with guilt.